by Tory Adkisson

The Ten Best Craigslist Ads from Around the World, Culled by Yours Truly!

nyccondomPhoto by ·BigGolf·

These are just a few of the colorful, some might even go so far as to say, vibrant, personalities that makes the prospect of online dating a truly daring and exciting enterprise. In a world that is becoming less and less personal, these personals remind us all why this is becoming the case.

_


We at Westwind do not endorse any of the beliefs, stereotypes, ideologies, religions, cultish notions, gender biases, mathematical formulae or any fan fics based on Tolkien, or the LARPing community in general, that are expressed in these personals. We just find them all either disturbing, really fucking funny, or (with some good will) both:

Artiste Seeks Breathtakingly Rich Patroness – 32 (M4W) (Seoul, South Korea)

Breathtakingly beautiful would be cool, too, but that’s probably asking too much. Don’t flag and remove me, okay? This is the “dating, romance, long term relationship (ltr) section”. In the macro sense of things that’s totally what I want. In the micro sense, a hot meal, a comfortable sofa, and maybe a cold beer and steamy make-out session would suffice. In turn, I’ll sing, play the guitar, and write poetry or prose for you, depending on which you prefer.

Do you like card-tricks? Yo. I know like two hundred or so.

Do you have a skateboard? Cool. I can totally kickflip trashcans and shit.

Hip Hop’s your thing? No joke. My b-boy skills are off the hook.

I’m a harmless dude and have a clean criminal-background-check to prove it. I’m also D&D free and have documentation of that as well. The only thing that might be a problem is I sometimes cry in my sleep. Strangely, some girls actually find that endearing.

Handsome Intellectual – 35 (M4W) (London, U.K.)

If immediate and unrestrained sexual accessibility was the only thing I wanted from a woman I would be in the pub, not posting a specific profile. I would like the woman I am with to succumb because she has been switched on by the extraordinary passion of the moment and there is no escape, rather than because it’s Friday night and she’s out of her skull on vodka and Red Bull.

You should almost be able to perceive sex as an intellectual pursuit. Here in the UK it might be better described as an exhausting recreational activity, rather like throwing yourself over and over again at a Velcro-clad wall.

In Britain, our sex symbols – the pop stars, the movie actresses the models – get hitched to dumb footballers. I want someone who wants to get hitched to a handsome intellectual! A woman who has their own style, not something cobbled together from the high street.

You’ll get from me on a physical basis – height, a toned physique, dark hair & eyes, straight white teeth, and very good looks in general. Personality – straightforward, assertive, very intelligent, calm, attentive, focused, determined, enthusiastic.

Please reply if your teeth are straight too.

LTR – 22 (Paris, France) (M4M)

I would like to “express” in monogamy. Self control is essential. Please have cognitive, emotional, and monetary resources.

If you think that Hollywood is not the summum of culture – 28 (M4W) (New Delhi, India)

If you think that Hollywood is not the summum of culture ; like nature , trekking, but also nightllife ; don’t think that doing shopping and having the latest mobilphone are the most important things in life; can enjoy visiting a museum ; think that books can also be man’s best friend ; can wear clothes sometimes casual, sometimes very elegant , sometimes sexy, sometimes sport… like to laugh and enjoy life but also be serious ; think the Ads of that’s Craiglist are not the best way to meet people… I would be delighted to meet you !!! Me : 28 tall, smart, gentle, foreigner… and much more !

Bones moving – skin touching – brain smiling – 41 (W4W) (Berlin, Germany)

crazy in love with life – in search of a companion to explore ourselves and conquer the world! I love to laugh out loud – music is vibrating inside of me – I enjoy playing with pleasurable texts. I like long walks, concerts, being with movies. And who are you?

Guys that suck, period – 32 (M4M) (Tokyo, Japan)

If u are fat yet u mail a 3 year old picture like my last date than please dont. be I am looking for a non smoker, possibly european, somehow english speaking with all of that suburban mentality and living next to strangers they dont want to speak with makes me -hmmm, nervous…Its not my opinion but a research done in the states actually. They said americans especially (next to canadians and aussies) have a difficulty relating to other people. I got lots of proof in japan and am tired of it. You know like when you talk to people you see everyday but the conversation always starts from level 1, it never builds up to anything else. Unless you think u are an exception.

If I offended anyone than it should ring a bell in ur head.

others anything is cool.

Top Heavy, Thick and Smart – Can you handle that? – 39 (W4M) (Los Angeles, CA, USA)

I’m an independent person that wants to eventually be co-dependent with someone who gets me. I used to be quite the hottie back in the day, but now I’m a pretty sista’ with HUGE sweater puppies, a belly, turkey thighs and enough junk in my trunk to have tea on (size 18). If you think I’m wrong, go ahead, prove it. 🙂

Whore bitch, I will own your ass – 46 (M4M) (Washington, D.C.)

You worship men like me. I will control every aspect of your life. I am not easy to get along with and you will wish you never met me.

I will make you mine..use you up and toss you away like every other little trash slut I’ve ever met.

Beg to be my little bitch and I might give you the time of day.

You know the drill..you’re on here everynight being a fucking whore.

Be worthy or don’t fucking bother.

I ADORE ASIANS – 40 (M4W) (Sydney, Australia)

The title says it all, I am not racist but I have the things for Asian girls. I also received the best compliment ever about myself and the way that I treat a woman from an Asian girl and I want more of that. Lets meet up for a coffee or dinner, we have nothing to loose, do we?! You need to promise not to laugh at my accent, I speak English with a funny accent, promise?!

When you turn your car ‘ON’ does it return the favor? I’ll do it too! – 58 (M4W) (Tel Aviv, Israel)

So, tell me: “what is your ATTITUDE about being a PLEASER??”

Your ATTITUDE will determine your ALTITUDE !!

This is a sincere posting !!

Question: What would a mature woman (at any age!!) want, need AND desire????

….. To talk candidly (and confidently) about what matters to her, what is MORE relevant to being (and feeling) happy, about ways to add some sizzle to life, about enjoying TLC, kissing and making out (with sensual closeness, etc.), how to be a pleaser, give and get soothing and arousing massages & back rubs (Ahhhhhhh…..), explore fun possibilities with a dynamic multi-dimensional Man, avoid hassles (giving OR getting), and surrender to a loving, adoring, nurturing, passionate, and romantic Man ?!?!?!?!

This woman (could be you ???!!!) is neither uptight nor withholding, and has many qualities — with inner and outer appeal.

A bit about this Man — please read all the way through without jumping to pre-mature conclusions, or assumptions.:

I am divorced, mature, sensible, interesting, and handsome (as many women have told me…), and I am tall & HWP, articulate, a non-smoker, white, heterosexual, a professional (techie exec.), passionate, romantic, direct, and not here to play games.

With that said….
…. I am seeking a fun life partner, and playmate. To clarify, having ‘been there, and done that’ so I am am looking for a mate who is FUN, to be my ONE special friend, lover, partner, and submissive woman. Being a Dominant Man — DOES NOT MEAN being domineering, abusive, insane, unsafe, or non-consensual !!!! It is a nice way to enhance a relationship, with pleasing and pleasuring interactions, sharing mild and wild sensations, along with open communication.

I am a Dominant man, looking for a submissive woman, and as you may know….
….D/s is basically a NO CONTEST framework; in which respect, service, and thrilling sensations augment up-close-and-personal connections. It is NOT abusive, and always safe, sane, and consensually respectful. Indeed, it can also range from mild to wild — depending more on your head-space (and my guidance) than anything else….

Oh, there’s so much to discuss…

Like me….
….you are young at any age, beautiful inside as well as outside (its all relative, in the eyes and mind of… etc….) appreciate what life offers, and especially what the people in your life bring to it. You have lots of TLC, with passionately romantic ways, and know the value of intimacy and friendship.

Perhaps you….
….need me to show you the ropes (pun intended…) and go from mild to wilder — within agreed boundaries — as we discuss various D/s and SM activities. Its far from the dark stigma that many assume!! After all, IT IS FUN which is why people do it!!!

With your reply….
….please include key details about you, what floats (or can sink) your boat, and WHATEVER will pave the way. Of course, I’d like to see what you look like, and will reciprocate. Based on mutual attractions, good karma, we can readily consider talking, and meeting — then take it from there. Yes, I am direct, and see no need to beat around the bush. However, we can/should beat up on Bush… LOL . . . . .

Do you enjoy fun in your life??? That should include cultural events, activities in nature, and oh-so-much-more…. YES, as I mentioned earlier, fun can be mild, and is ALSO experienced on the wilder side, with thrilling and satisfying sensations !!!

Ready to connect across mind, body, and spirit, with dynamics that transcend your boundaries ??? GOOD!!!

In the meantime, I send you smiling cheers, with soft smiles…..

Advertisements