The words “Artsy bullshit, L.A.” yield 34,900 results when typed into Google. They yield 2,200,000 results on Yahoo’s search engine. Ask Jeeves, Dogpile, and Bing yield an undisclosed amount, 34, and 2,160,000 results, respectively. For related searches, all the engines give variances of “How to dress artsy?” [unnecessary and grammatically incorrect question mark included] “Artsy Fartsy”Artsy Quotes” “Artsy Boots” “Artsy Nudes” “Artsy Lyrics” “Artsy/Indie” “Artsy/Vintage” “Artsy/Obscure” and “Bullshit.” Bullshit, and especially L.A., seem vastly underrepresented compared to artsy-ness. But artsy bullshit is very well represented in L.A. in a seemingly parasitic type relationship.

It should be noted that each search engine says it’s omitted adult web results, but when I search those, all the results are either completely devoid of adult content or completely devoid of artsy bullshit (though L.A. is a worldwide adult industries hub, so they probably aren’t devoid of that). So for the purposes of the rest of the article, I’ll refrain from referencing said adult results.

Wikipedia has no results for artsy bullshit anywhere, but asks you if you meant to search for arts bullis or Sidney Lumet.

The first result on most of the searches is a blog about arts events that walks the fine line between sincerity and irony to the point where no one can really be sure what they mean by what they write, probably not even the writers themselves, making their praise as scathing as their scorn, and their scorn as lauding as their praise (a good reference for optimists who will tend to see each review for an event as not half bad). It’s called the “Dissinformer –the official diss-iz-it blog…” and has a writer who calls himself Spike Jonze.

Then come the results of actual events, which are, like the related search suggestions, disproportionately focused on artsy-ness over bullshit. Whole slews of artsy happenings in the city of pluralized masculine Hispanic angels—installations, exhibits, concerts, discussions—fine art, street art, graffiti art, sculptures, painting, multimedia and more—countless links to the LA art walk (colloquially dubbed the LA drunk walk/art stumble) through the downtown pop galleries on the first Thursday of every month; news snippets on the weekly Sunday night Venice Beach drum circle (omitted in the snippets: the even larger tourist circle that invariable surrounds it for the half hour it lasts before cops shut it down); the Tuesday Night Café Project (a free weekly reading/live music/performance art/short film/etc. venue at Aratani Courtyard 7:30-10:00); Dreams Deferred, an exhibit at the Chinese American Museum from December 10 to May 22 that hopes to explore and showcase how the immigrant experience has changed as a result of recent legislation (including California’s Prop 187 and Arizona’s Senate Bill 1070); and many, many more events that are nine parts artsy, one part bullshit, and all L.A.

I only listed the very few first results almost randomly, but L.A.’s huge size and diverse demographic provide for numerous other unnamed events; all you have to do to find out about them is search “Artsy Bullshit, L.A.” into an engine of your choosing (preferably not google, since they sell information prevalence to the highest bidder instead of the best provider, and everyone knows real artists are always starving and the best art events are always free). A warning: the further back you go in the archives of the non-google search engine you decide to use or the website you get linked to, the harder the events are to get to… the vast majority of them are only accessible through speeding DeLoreans (which you would be advised not to use because of their ties to Parkinson’s Disease and undeserved celebrity), random unexplained wormholes (which you would be advised not to use because of their ties to angst, alliterative names, overrated movies, and falling parts of jet engines), giant balls of light from a robot-induced apocalyptic future (which you would be advised not to use because of their ties to never-ending sequels and ineffective governing), or other dubious modes of time travel. However, new results are added every day that don’t yet require 4th dimensional movement out of the ordinary to attend, if you can set aside some time, mark your calendar, patiently await their arrival, and even more patiently tolerate the variably sized dab of bullshit that invariably comes with a night of artsy-ness in L.A.